Growing & the make-your-own Health Visitor kit

DIY: Performs all the same functions sans condescension.

I have a confession to make.
I don't do the whole Health Visitor thing.
I did at the start, for a short time, at least. But no longer. Enough is enough.
You see, it reached a point where we'd sit for ages in an overcrowded waiting room, overheated and horrible, all tears and tantrums, and for what? 
To have The B and The G measured and weighed, with a little gentle condescension thrown in for good measure?
It's not for me. No Sir, I figured out long ago that this is one service that I can do without.
You see, having been educated to a reasonable standard, I can work out for myself if children are growing or not.
Tape measure from the toolbox in the garage, the bathroom scales: There it is, a complete DIY make-your-own Health Visitor kit.
There are one or two other indicators that I can also use if ever I'm uncertain.
The G, for example, can now, for the first time, stand up in the small pool at swimming and keep her head above water. 
Just, that is. It's up to chin level, but still, she can stand and breathe, an important development.
Elsewhere, we just spent almost £200 on a new car seat for The B, less padding, fewer straps, using the car's own seatbelt to hold him in place, much more grown-up.
That's The B, whose sleeves are, these days, being worn much higher up his forearms.
Growing? I think so, and fast, a conclusion that I have reached all by myself, no Health Visitor required.
Final confirmation came earlier this morning at soft play, an inevitable destination given the inclement conditions that made the playground a B&G-free zone.
You see, there was a time when I had to go to great lengths to protect The B and The G from the big kids.
Nowadays, it seems, The B and The G are the big kids.

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Today, I enjoyed this from Mummy Cool. It's potty. Quite literally.